The death of Pauline Fowler was the cause of Red Monkey Nun’s lateness; one hour is still within acceptable limits when the starting location is Bruce Nun’s house. I accept that if Red Monkey Nun was meeting on a street corner then it would be more than unacceptable (note: Monkey does not hang around street corners). For the record, sorry Bruce.

After drinking blessed wine, eating pizza and male deterrent garlic bread the nuns arrived at StagLand. The wind was reaching 80mph so they stayed there all night. The nuns attempted to convert regular StagLand visitors but, in the main, failed.

Red Monkey Nun grew bored of preaching and skilfully, using red beam photography, made small incisions in the other nuns’ knees and poisoned them with devil saliva. Gambling, drinking and occasional blasphemy commenced.

In revenge, Emma Nun beat Red Nun Monkey 2-0 at pool, Noel Edmonds stole a number of pounds from Red Monkey Nun and alcohol stole the dancing skills of StagLand.

The nuns plus Gary (man seducing Karen Nun) went back to Cheryl Nun’s nunnery for curry. This seemed like a good idea to Red Monkey Nun; a remedy for the lack of pork scratchings in StagLand. Red Monkey Nun was mistaken. The following day Red Monkey Nun was in sweats of hot and cold, vomited meat dopiaza in Bank Bottom Terrace, grazed on ibuprofen and held a Thornton’s carrier bag (no holes) on the train to London. Red Monkey Nun defeated.